Sunday, 19 April 2015

Losing my identity?

I named my (much neglected) blog 'Branded Runner' because being a runner had become a massive part of my identity. Last year was very focused on running - I ran Brighton Marathon & spent the rest of the year trying (and sometimes even succeeding) to smash out some PBs at 5K and 10K. I saw in 2015 in the now traditional fashion of a 10K race on NYE followed by a double parkrun on NYD. Business as usual for 2015 then? Well, no not quite. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly running wasn't my priority anymore! 

I was (and still am) delighted to be expecting my first baby but the first few months of pregnancy haven't been as straightforward as I perhaps thought. Physically I have so far got away fairly lightly but the first trimester was marked by exhaustion that meant any thoughts of running were quickly forgotten. I found myself spending my short evenings lying on the sofa rather than doing exercise and if I'm honest that was tough to handle emotionally. I was a runner, so what happened if I wasn't running? I had been so determined to have a healthy, fit pregnancy but I just didn't have the energy. 

It didn't help that we didn't tell anyone our news until we'd had a scan at 12 weeks. I was pretty anxious about the whole thing until we had that scan so it was hard not sharing that with anyone. We also had various running events booked in, including a race weekend to Barcelona, which we still did but I spectated rather than competed. It was tough not being able to be honest about the reason. 

The last month or so has been much better - I'm back parkrunning, albeit much slower than before, which has really helped me feel like myself again. My new target is to get back under 30 minutes - yesterday I was 2 seconds over so there's still hope before I get too massive! 

This might seem like quite a negative post on what is an amazing experience & joyful time, but I felt it was important to be honest. Sometimes, like anything, pregnancy fitness blogs or Instagram accounts can make it seem like everyone else is able to carry on and that can make it hard if your body just needs to adjust to it's massive new task!
Not sure if or how this blog will continue, but at least I can now explain this recent silence ;-) 

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